Death

What does it mean to dream about death, or to be visited by someone who has died?

Pushed into the fire…

Dream: My 12 year old daughter has been having the same recurring nightmare for the past week and I am having trouble coming to terms with it and why she is having them or what it actually is trying to tell us. Her dream consists of a fire and she is in the fire and sees everything but she sees herself as being dead. Then she sees a black figure who is pushing her into the fire. She feels like the black figure is controlling her and making her do what it wants. I hope you can help us interpret this.

DreamsMaster: Fire is often a symbol of transformation or destruction. Seeing herself as being dead may represent a part of her that has died. A thought that comes to mind is that your daughter is at that age where her child self is dying off as she crosses the threshold to womanhood. Has she begun menstruating yet? It’s not uncommon for a girl to feel “pushed into” womanhood with the onset of a changing body and the accompanying unfamiliar feelings, both physical and emotional. Adolescence is a time in the lives of both boys and girls when there’s the sense of feeling out of control in both mind and body.

Work with your daughter to try to pinpoint what was going on for her at the time she began having the dream. Does she identify with the sense that her body is changing? If so, how does she feel about these changes?

If this physical angle doesn’t fit, is she having a difficult time at school in one of her classes, or perhaps being exposed to some bullying? A dark figure could represent the perceived bully, and the fire could symbolize her rage.

An effective way to deal with a recurring nightmare is to consciously go back into the dream and change the ending. This particular dream ends with “a black figure pushing her into the fire.” When I project myself into the dream, I feel powerless and fearful of the unknown, so I need to think about what action I can take to regain my power and sense of control.

If your daughter is game, sit down with her with paper and something to draw with (e.g., crayons, colored pencils, markers), and tell her to draw a picture of the black figure. Encourage her to draw it with as much detail as possible. Then, tell her to add to the picture whatever it needs in order for her to feel in control of the scene. For example, she could draw a heavy-duty steel cage around the dark figure, or an image of herself that’s 10 times larger than it, whatever fits for her. Then, when she feels like she’s put everything into the picture that she can think of and starts feeling less scared of the image, you can cap it off by having her manually shred the piece of paper — tear it into as many pieces as possible — and invite her to vocalize anything that comes to mind while she’s shredding. At this point it might turn into sort of a game, where you both can shout whatever you want at the figure to prove who’s in charge now!

The primary goal is to help her gain a feeling of power and control by defusing the imaginary threat. Once she feels empowered, then you can start talking with her about what threats exist for her in the waking world (i.e., the symbolism of the “dark figure”). Once the two of you have unlocked the mystery, the dream will no longer reoccur as a nightmare.

P.S. Your daughter is fortunate to have a mother who takes her dreams and nightmares seriously.

Punished by his returning…

Dream: I often dream about my first husband who died a number of years ago. I really never loved this man and sometimes feel I am being punished by having him return in my dreams this way.

DreamsMaster: My sense is that these dreams of your first husband are more symbolic than visitations. Based on what little you’ve said, my guess is that you are indeed being punished… by yourself! And it’s long overdue that you stopped.

Here’s what I suggest you do. Pick an evening when you have some quiet time to yourself, and pull out a pen and paper – you’re going to write a letter to your first husband.

If you felt wronged by him in some way that you never had the chance to confront him about, use the following letter-writing format to express yourself:

1) What you did…
2) How it made me feel…
3) How it affected my life…
4) What I want from you now… (to stop visiting me in my dreams!)

If that doesn’t fit, and you’re blaming yourself for not loving him the way you judge that you should have, then try this angle instead:

1) What I did…
2) What I might have done differently, if I knew then what I know now…
3) How it affected my life…
4) What I want from myself now… (forgiveness!)

In either scenario (or one you create of your own that fits best), end the quiet time by closing your eyes and visualizing him in the dream. But this time, in your visualization, picture yourself ushering him out of the scene. Wave good-bye. Visualize this nightly until the scenario plays out in an actual dream. Once this occurs, it’s likely he will be gone from your dreams permanently… or at least until the guilt sneaks back into your subconscious. If/when that happens, just flush out the thoughts again and repeat the visualization.

Above all else, practice self-forgiveness, and treat yourself with the same respect and understanding as you would treat a friend.

He came to me in my dream…

Dream: My dad died a couple of months ago. Last night he came to me in my dream. It was weird – it was as if I knew he was dead but standing in front of me alive at the same time. I went up to him and hugged him and said, “I took you for granted.” What does this mean?

DreamsMaster: It’s not uncommon to have dreams of the departed, and it remains a mystery as to whether or not the departed can actually return to us in our dreams. That said, for those of us who have had a “visitation”, an experience that feels more like a visit than a dream, there’s no question that something unexplainable has occurred.

Regardless if you believe in visitations or not, a dream of someone departed still carries an important message. In this case, consider your words: “I took you for granted.” In what way does this statement hold true for you? It’s possible that you’re carrying some guilt or regret in regards to “what-ifs” and “if-onlys”, trying to redo or undo the past. This is a natural part of the grief process, but it’s important not to get stuck there. It’s likely your dream is giving you a nudge, helping you move on toward acceptance of your loss.

Gifts from the departed…

Dream: I dreamed that my grandmother (passed) gave me 2 cloth hearts, a leather pocket book, and gogoboots, laughing with joy, happy.

DreamsMaster: What a special dream! A visit from your grandmother combined with some treasured gifts. Good for you for documenting the dream, so the memory of it will last.

To find deeper meaning in the dream, think about the gifts and what each one means to you personally. Here are some ideas, based on my own projections:

Cloth hearts: A heart represents love. Since there are two of them, perhaps they represent a loving relationship. To me, cloth represents clothing, so a gift of cloth hearts may be telling you to “wear your heart on your sleeve” – demonstrate your love openly.
Leather pocketbook: Leather is a sturdy material. A pocketbook or purse/wallet often symbolizes one’s identity and/or security, since it generally contains important personal items such as a driver’s license and money. This gift could be a statement that you have a strong identity that is well protected.
Go-go boots: What fun possibilities! To me, go-go boots are a reminder of the 60s, an era of women’s liberation demonstrated by wild and crazy clothing and lifestyles.

Was your grandmother wild at heart in her lifetime? Or, do you think she was repressed but would have liked to have been free? Putting it all together, it appears to me that your grandmother’s spirit is encouraging you to live fully and freely, to experience the sense of joy and laughter that freedom brings.

Submit a dream of your own to the DreamsMaster…