Dream: I often dream about my first husband who died a number of years ago. I really never loved this man and sometimes feel I am being punished by having him return in my dreams this way.
DreamsMaster: My sense is that these dreams of your first husband are more symbolic than visitations. Based on what little you’ve said, my guess is that you are indeed being punished… by yourself! And it’s long overdue that you stopped.
Here’s what I suggest you do. Pick an evening when you have some quiet time to yourself, and pull out a pen and paper – you’re going to write a letter to your first husband.
If you felt wronged by him in some way that you never had the chance to confront him about, use the following letter-writing format to express yourself:
1) What you did…
2) How it made me feel…
3) How it affected my life…
4) What I want from you now… (to stop visiting me in my dreams!)
If that doesn’t fit, and you’re blaming yourself for not loving him the way you judge that you should have, then try this angle instead:
1) What I did…
2) What I might have done differently, if I knew then what I know now…
3) How it affected my life…
4) What I want from myself now… (forgiveness!)
In either scenario (or one you create of your own that fits best), end the quiet time by closing your eyes and visualizing him in the dream. But this time, in your visualization, picture yourself ushering him out of the scene. Wave good-bye. Visualize this nightly until the scenario plays out in an actual dream. Once this occurs, it’s likely he will be gone from your dreams permanently… or at least until the guilt sneaks back into your subconscious. If/when that happens, just flush out the thoughts again and repeat the visualization.
Above all else, practice self-forgiveness, and treat yourself with the same respect and understanding as you would treat a friend.
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